I'm Overwhelmed with Clutter

"I'm overwhelmed with clutter" isn't exactly true.... I appear to be overwhelmed and anxious and when I get this way, I feel like the weight of everything in the house is weighing on me.  What causes me to feel this way?  Trying to figure out my future....

My husband and I are retired.  But we like to say, "mostly tired."  And for good reason.  But that's for another day.  We're trying to figure out what we want to do in the next chapter of our lives and it isn't that easy.  Several of our friends have moved South to be near family.  My family is here.  Yet part of me wants to move South so desperately.  Would I be betraying my children and letting my grandchildren down if we moved away?  Would my presence be missed? 

Today I was so close to packing up and moving.  Starting the sort of what to take and what to get rid of.  Yes, I was that close.  I have been downsizing for years now, getting ready for the day when we might leave, and this next downsize will be the real thing. 

But there's so many details to consider and the big one is, can I really, truly, leave my kids and grandkids? 

I think it's time. 

My Aunt Rosy

May 26, 2013, my Aunt Rosy passed away....

For every person who knew her, this is a great loss. 

Aunt Rosy was that one person in your life that you admired most, loved most, respected most, and looked up to most.  She was my hero.

She was "organic."  She watched what she ate before it was popular.  She walked every single day.  She made the best clam chowder.  Her voice always had the spirit of joy in it.  You knew she was genuinely happy to see you. 

Aunt Rosy loved to dig clams and mussels. She was a great fisherman.  I knew she used to work at a cannery but I just learned through her obituary that she owned it!  A small cannery where they processed fresh seafood and sold it. 

She was the youngest to climb Mt Hood in the 1920s at the age of 9.  She has been a remarkable women since a child. 

I admired Aunt Rosy for many reasons.  Mostly, she made life look easy.  Even after being married for 39 years and learning her husband, Uncle Edgar, was involved with another women.... she was forgave both and they were all friends.  For the next 31 years, she drove a small motor home from Netarts, Oregon, to Niland, California, where she enjoyed the sun and playing horseshoes. 

Yes, Aunt Rosy lived her life.  A simple life but full.  I will miss her more than she will ever know.  Rest in peace, Aunt Rosy.  I love you. 

Bragging Rights

I thought of starting this out, life sucks.... but it isn't that life sucks... it's just that at times life piles up on you.  Take yesterday for instance....  In between all my bawling, I had my sister to worry about who was having some oral surgery.  My 93 year old aunt was back in the hospital.  My favorite aunt I might add.  My son's dog (which is like my own) is ill and required a trip to the vet.  And if this wasn't enough, we got 6" of new snow and I had to spend a couple hours shoveling snow. 

In the midst of all this sadness and worry that seems to be burying me these days, or to top it off.... my husband is out of town and I'm left to my own devices.  It's hard enough when I'm separated from my husband....  You know the saying, "your other half"?  Well, he IS my other half.... he is part of me... when we aren't together, I'm lost, I have little motivation, I don't do well. 

So here our neighbors/good friends are leaving , it's snowing like crazy, the dog is sick, etc., etc., and you have to wonder what else can go wrong. 

I'm happy to report that we are not having a repeat of yesterday!  Oh, I'm still bawling and I'm still sad, but I'm so happy for my husband.  You see, he's a Lion.  Lions Club International is the largest service organization IN THE WORLD!  And my husband is a part of this great organization.  He's in Fairbanks for a few days at their annual convention and was awarded the highest award -- Lion of the Year!  This is out of ALL the Lions in his District in Alaska which are probably thousands.  But he certainly deserves it.  He's worked so hard these last couple years, trying to make a different here in Southeast Alaska.  It's nice that his hard work did not go unnoticed.  For that I am grateful. 

Family

Family gatherings are always a big event for me.  I'm not certain why....  Maybe because growing up, we always spent holidays with our country grandparents, with all our aunts, uncles, and cousins.  We played outside, running wild.  We sat quietly, in the library.  But this was my life growing up, spending time with family.

When I was 19, I moved to Alaska with my boyfriend.  I didn't know a soul here.... As far as I was concerned, I was in a foreign country!  But soon, his friends became our extended family, and all our holidays and special events, became a special time spent with friends.  These friends became my family. 

Forty some years later and friends still make up our extended family list and holidays and events wouldn't be the same without them. 

Today I'm thankful for my ex-husband and his wife.  Our divorce didn't start out friendly and accommodating, but I'm happy to say that today we're good friends.  And not just because we have the kids in common.  He may not have been the right husband for me, but he's a good man and one I admire.  Unlike most of us, he lives his life to the fullest.  None of this pussy footing around, wasting time on a boring life.  No, there won't be any regrets when he leaves this world. 

When we were married, living a life filled with adventure and mishaps wasn't for me.  I valued living more than he did!  But it's worked for him and his new wife.  Today I'm thankful for our divorce because without it, we would never have become the good friends we are today.  Had we stayed married, we would have been that bitter old married couple, miserable.  By getting divorced, we were both able to find our perfect life partner. 

I have no regrets as far as this man is concerned.  We were married for 22 years, we tried to make it work; we just weren't compatible. But he's a good man. 

AND we made good kids and they have given us our precious grandchildren.  Life is good. 

Happy Easter

Here comes Peter Cottontail,

hopping down the bunny trail....

 

How many people still sing this song to your children?

 

I miss the days when my children were little and I got to get up at the crack of dawn to hide eggs and wait in anticipation for their smiling faces to peak out of their bedrooms. 

 

Today we wait for grandchildren to arrive.

 

The plastic eggs will be hid outside, my ex-husband and his wife and parents of our daughter-in-law will join us.

 

We'll have too much food and it'll be chaotic.

 

This is Easter at our place.

I Wish You Enough

I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.

I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.

I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger.

I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.

I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.

I wish you enough hellos to get you through the
final good-bye.

author unknown

I just love that poem. I keep it handy where I can read it from time to time to keep my life in perspective.

Today I'm grateful for my husband. Here's a man who would do literally anything for me or my kids. He has accepted my children as his own and loves them unconditionally. When the kids are going through difficult times, it's often Mike who suggests we offer support to them. He's never tried to talk me out of any of my hair brain ideas when it comes to the kids but embraces the idea and helps make it happen.

Today I'm grateful that my sweet husband came into my life.

Valentines Day

Yes, I know that Valentine's Day is over for another year but I've been giving it a lot of thought these past few weeks and it's still on my mind. 

My parents had a rough marriage.  They seemed so unhappy and miserable and you often wondered why they stayed married.  They fought something horrible and often times it was ugly. 

Yet, after they passed away and us kids were cleaning the estate, we stumbled upon the most astonishing sight.  Tucked away high up in the broom closet was a stash of old Valentine candy boxes.  Covered with dust and grime from being stored for so many years, they sat with untold love and promises. 

They were beautiful boxes.  With ribbon and flowers adorning the top of it.  Many boxes were covered with felt or satin.  Even in this old stage of their life, they were still beautiful boxes.  And my mom had kept them, through all the fights, all the ugliness that was their marriage.

Us kids went through the house and picked items we wanted to keep in the family but no one picked the Valentine boxes.  It greatly saddens me that us kids didn't see through all the fighting and our perceived opinion of their marriage, to recognize that there was love.  And lots of it.  My dad was a romantic.  My mom cherished his gifts.  I wish I had grabbed those dusty, dirty hearts and kept that part of their marriage alive rather than the memories of all their fighting. 

Later!
Nancy

Family Picnic 2010

My hubby and I are traveling to Kalama, Washington, for a few days to help my sister out with the family picnic and catch up with family I've not seen in years.  It's a good time. 

Click here for the post from last year's party that I posted at Pieces of the Puzzle.

Enjoy!  Nancy